I indulge in a fantasy every now and then. One in which I write a best-selling novel, receive critical acclaim (maybe even a Pulitzer) and proceed to live a life of leisure, yachting around the world in Jackie-O shades and drinking fancy-sounding cocktails. They decide to make a movie out of my book and slide a piece of paper across the table that has a figure with several zeroes at the end on it. They even offer to let me do the script so I can ensure my story stays true. But I have no principles; I take the money and run. Of course, on the condition that I’m invited to the Oscars should the movie be nominated. And so I never work another day in my life because the royalties keep coming in. Lest I seem frivolous and indulgent, I chair several respectable charities and philanthropic ventures, ensuring that I conspicuously attend every gala dinner and ball. When I die, my obituary runs in noteworthy newspapers around the world and the funeral service is so well-orchestrated and moving that there’s not a single dry eye left in the church.
You might think me mad, or you might ask me to make up a fantasy for you too. Either way, there’s something to be said for using your imagination! The sky’s the limit.
But back to reality. Being consigned to a desk job for probably the rest of my working life, I’ve often felt that I missed my true calling. I really think I should have been any of the following:
See what I meant about missing my calling? Everything that I’m sure I would have been good at (except maybe the gymnast- that’s just wishful thinking), I can no longer seriously attempt at this point in my life. I mean I’m certainly not going to make a living out of it.
So on to Plan B. What else can I possibly do that doesn’t require much training or hard work, will give me oodles of job satisfaction, but will still pay for my excessive spending habits?
I hear the island-keeper’s job has already been taken. So unless they have any more islands that need keeping, I’ve thought about some other options that would best utilize my intrinsic capabilities:
1. Run a maid service- Considering that an upturned cushion or a wrinkled duvet cover can ruin my morning, perhaps I should put my need for perfection to better use? I’m sure I can teach them a thing or two!
2. Be a sex therapist- I can’t claim to be an expert, but I could take a correspondence course and then do lots of listening, nodding and note-taking, and send them on their way with books and homework. There’s obviously a gap in the market, and I can charge what I want!
3. Start an etiquette school (I avoid saying ‘finishing’ school as I’ve just learnt that they are more or less defunct now)- That way I can go to my grave with the knowledge that I have done my best to educate the masses. Talk about job satisfaction!
4. Set up (yet another) travel website- With my penchant for armchair adventuring, maybe I should enter the itinerary-building arena?
5. Professional Google searcher- OK, this was just a shot in the dark. Any takers?